published: 19 December 2010
duration: 29' 32"
Presented by: Gareth Jones,
Richard Porter and Zog with Violet Berlin ......and Christmas
Colin
#132 Festive Special. Christmas carols, cars and toy trucks.
Scalextric vs trains. The smell of Christmas past and the
stench of the taxis of Christmas present. How many of our
Christmas wishes from “All I Want For Christmas Is
Some Speed” came true?
This seasonal episode of Gareth Jones On Speed has been electrically
produced in a stereophonic audio format for your delectation and
pleasure.
GOOD KING BERNIE
Good King Bernie last looked out
Sometime on last Tuesday
When some men with knives came by
Stole his girlfriend’s jewellery
Brightly shone the bruise next day
And to laugh was cruel
’Til he used his injuries
Advertising Hubolt.
AWAY FROM THE RACE TRACK
Away from the race track
On a yacht in the Med
The little Lord Jordan
Laid down his big head
The clothes in his wardrobe
Were stupid and bright
The little Lord EJ
Was talking more shite.
WE 3 KINGS
We 3 kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we drive in a Saab
It’s a 9-3, look at our trendy specs
Working in architecture
Oh Saab of wonder
Saab of night
With your daytime running lights
Built in forests, liked by dentists
(The aircraft stuff is marketing shite).
OH LITTLE TRACK OF SILVERSTONE
Oh little track of Silverstone
Quite near to Towcester
It all went wrong for Donington
Now F1’s yours for ever
And in your streets after a race
The quite depressing sight
Of Cars and vans all in a jam
Not getting home tonight.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS SOME SPEED
(Jones/Porter arr Zog ©2006)
I don’t need loads of presents or even to get off me face
I just want the road ahead to clear and for the traffic to pick up pace.
If Santa does a ton-up on his sleigh then that’s just what I need
All I want for Christmas is some speed.
All I want for Christmas is some speed.
I want a GM car that you’d want to drive
I want someone to buy my Rover 75
I want a Fuel Cell Lotus that can also fly.
A Bugatti Veyron I‘ve the money to buy
I’ll take the batteries out of your Prius
I’ll stuff the Turkey with a Kia C’eed
All I want for Christmas is some speed
‘Coz all we want for Christmas is some speed
I don’t need loads of presents
or even to get off me face
I just want the road ahead to clear
and for the traffic to pick up pace.
If Santa can do a ton-up on his sleigh then that’s just what I
need
All I want for Christmas is some speed.
All I want for Christmas is some speed.
Gimme a Bangle Bee-Em that for once looks great
I want a large French car that won’t depreciate
I want a Rolls-Royce Phantom with a telly and fridge
I want the Chinese not to make a mess of Longbridge
I want a litre of petrol for just 10p
I want more than two constructors in the WRC
I want a diesel car that is also fun
I want Damon Hill back in Formula One.
I need a car that reverses climate change
And get the Cayenne out of the Porsche range
I want a championship that Jenson plays a part in
I want someone good to buy Aston Martin
All I want for Christmas is some speed
All I want for Christmas is some speed.
Save your shopping, and your chip 'n' pin
Don't need no toy with no batteries in
When it comes to Christmas you know what I need
Gimme (Gimme) gimme (Gimme) gimme speeeeed
All I want for Christmas is some speed
All I want for Christmas is some speed
Don't want no socks, no power drill
Quality Street just makes me ill
When it comes to Christmas you know what I need
Gimme (gimme) Gimme (gimme) Kimi’s speed
All I want for Christmas is some speed.
Gareth Jones – Writing, Vocals, Guitars,
Engineering and Production
Richard Porter - Writing, Vocals
Zog – Vocals and Music Programming
Violet Berlin – Vocals and Additional Material.
Tycho and Indigo - Additional Vocal Talent.
